anticipate

soaked nights
I wake up sweaty, unsure
I have been panicking again.

remember a dick, kisses, soft and anxious.
words tossed hastily over it to conceal intent.
sweetness mixed with desperation
the compulsion to consume it all before the sun comes up.
and when it does, to keep humping
as if staying naked in this bed were the only way to save the world.

an afternoon spent hacking
scraping the sour taste of doubt from the back of the tongue.

and when do I get to go forward without suspicion
when did I lose my faith, so cliched and yet so fucking important.
I see liars everywhere,
lost souls twisting in the wind, waiting to suck me dry.
bulls-eye on my mother fucking back
mother-fucking everything gets dried up and cracks under my wing.
so easy to go down.