gems

puffy eyes and stuffy heady.
I feel snotty about it all today,
your last-minute flights, taken rashly and puncturing my schedule.
your protestations of love
while you pretended to be baffled by the coffee maker

"I want to take care of you"
"Do you need money?"
and no birthday present

I think that I may never understand why humans treat each other this way,
how easy it is to lean on someone and not notice them standing there,
like a gemstone growing smaller and brighter under the weight.

I do not want to be a star. I just wanted to belong to someone
and be caressed in a pocket. But I am to obstinate to stay hid,
so I get no one.

I know now that it would take more than you being here for it to work. You
are a pattern I can't repeat.